Texas Dildo Masquerade (2003)
  

A sexual parody of a famous campy horror movie, loaded with bizarre sexual scenes, anal sex and cum baths...

Play Time: 1:53 Hour Movie Size: 1.84 Gb     

Scene 1: Candy Apples, Dave Hardman, Ron Jeremy

Play Time: 22.95 min    












Size: 382 Mb
The fun starts with a disclaimer. Apparently it is a parody not based on any film, tv-series, or what have you, I though I detected a slight hint of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but hey, I could be wrong. Lighting and co-directing b.t.w. was by a J. W. Gacy. Funny?

The movie starts with a newsreport. A cemetary in Anus Texas was desecrated with blowup dolls complete with dildos, and several crypts were found filled up with sex-dolls, gee, I wonder what happened to the original occupants........

The real action starts in a van, occupied by Candy Apples, Tabitha Stevens, Ron Jeremy, Steve Hatcher and Kyle Stone. Ron's in a wheelchair, which I admit lifted my spirits appreciably :). Tabitha and Ron's granddad (yes, they're brother and sister) was burried on the cemetary, and Tabitha's worried something happened to his grave. After visiting the grave, driving through the desert, they notice a nasty smell. Ron immediately identifies it as coming from the dildo factory, where dear grandfather used to work. Then they spot a hitchhiker, and decide to help him out. Enter Dave Hardman,brilliantly cast as an inbred moronic member of a dildo factory family, complete with birthmark. He whips out some of his handywork, and then the object it was modeled after. Candy is immediately interested, and gives ol' Dave a very wet blowjob. Meanwhile Ron has got out of his wheelchair, and started fucking Candy d/s. He's pretty nimble for an invalid. Change to d/s with Dave, b/j for Ron. Candy's getting rather noisy by now. D/s anal (?) with Dave, who gives her quite a pounding. Then a double pussy penetration, with Dave in spoon, and Ron standing up. This is why I hate d/p's! All we get to see is two assholes banging away at something totally invisible. Next a conventional cowgirl d/p with similar problems. Dave cums in and around her mouth, ditto for Ron,after fucking her (bald) pussy some more. At last we get to read her tattoos, one above each (nipple pierced) breast. They read Candy and Apples. Afterwards Dave gets out his Instamatic, saying he takes a picture of every whore he fucks. He takes a picture of Ron, which confirms a lot of what I already suspected. Then he demands 20 bucks for his handywork. When they refuse he wants back his dildo from Ron, who finally gets it stuffed in his mouth. They kick him out of the van, and drive on.

Scene 2: Steve Hatcher, Kyle Stone, Mila

Play Time: 27.92 min    












Size: 465 Mb
Tabitha asks directions to her grandfather's house at Jonathan Morgan's gasstation. He won't help her, nor can he sell them gas. They drive on and stop next to a shed, they've run out of gas. Candy and Kyle (?) decide to try and find the swimming-pool Ron remembered from his childhood. It's all dryed up, but instead they find a house. They decide to try and borrow some gas there. Noone's home.

Candy stays back while Kyle explores the house. When he bends down and picks up a dildo, he's attacked, and dissappears behind a closing door. After a while Candy decides to go look for him, she enters the same room we last saw Kyle. She stumbles, looks up, and screams, the whole room is filled with dildoes and dolls. She runs out of the house, but she's grabbed and dragged back inside. Her attacker thows her on a fridge, rips off her cut-off jeans, hangs her from a beam in the roof, and inserts a dildo into her pussy. Then her attacker fires up a chainsaw with a dildo on top of it and starts working Candy over with it. Now we see her attackers face. It's a woman with a mask modelled after a pussy. Steve (?) by now is getting worried, and decides to try and find Candy and Kyle. He too finds and enters the house, where all is quiet again. As he enters "that" room, and approaches the fridge, to my delight Mila pops out of it! In shock he turns around and starts opening lockers, finding Kyle. Mila's waving a dildo, demanding the real thing, and Kyle, who by now is really pissed off, decides to give her what she wants. Admirably, even while Kyle vigorously fucks her mouth, she keeps talking. Steve is satisfied just licking her ass. Mila tells him not to be a licking machine. By now (Mila's) spit's flying everywhere. Kyle then fucks her d/s, while Steve gets some oral attention. Mila's not impressed. She calls Kyle a poodle-dick :), and wants to feel like he's a german shepherd. She then briefly rims Kyle, telling him she's going to rip his ass apart, while Steve fucks her anal mish. Brief mish pussy fuck by Kyle plus insertion of dildo, and over to cowgirl d/p. Both cum in her mouth, and she blows bubbles. Suddenly Pussyface returns and knocks both Kyle and Steve out with a dildo.

Scene 3: Jonathan Morgan, Tabitha Stevens,

Play Time: 21.77 min    












Size: 362 Mb
By now it's dark, and Ron and Tabitha are panicking. In true horror style they go out to find their friends. They hear a noise. Out of the darkness Pussyface appears with her dildo chainsaw, Tabitha runs away, but poor Ronnie, bound to his wheelchair, can't, and probably dies a horrible death by dildo. Tabitha's running, screaming all the time, followed by Pussyface. She arrives at the gasstation, and Jonathan lets her in. He goes out to get his truck. She seeks solace from a dildo that's lying around. Jonathan returns and, to calm her down, takes off her cutoffs, and works the dildo for her. He eats her, she gives him a lengthy blowjob,all nice and slow. R/c fuck, then mish, both lengthy as well. He cums, only one watery shot, next to her mouh. Some nice, if brief, cleaning up.

Scene 4: Jonathan Morgan, Tabitha Stevens, Cheyenne, Rod Fontana

Play Time: 14.15 min    












Size: 235 Mb
When finally they get into the car to go to the sheriff's office, they run into Dave once again. He gets in and they drive on. When they arrive it turns out they're at the house again, Dave and Pussyface grab her, but after a brief struggle Tabitha escapes into a room. There she finds her grandfather (Rod?) and grandmother(Cheyenne), both covered in warts and green-faced. As she bends over him to check how he is her breasts touch his face and slowly he and grandma come back to life. As they both suck life out of her breasts they immediately become horny again, and turn their attentions to one another. Tabitha slumps into a corner and starts masturbating. Gramps gets a b/j, and then gives Gramma a d/s fuck, then mish, brief pussy eating, then anal mish, he pulls out, and comes on her closed mouth and fake chin.

Scene 5: Candy, Dave Hardman, Jonathan Morgan, Mila, Randi Storm, Rod Fontana, Sweety Pie, Tabitha

Play Time: 23.47 min    












Size: 391 Mb
When Tabitha wakes up she's sitting at a dinnertable with Grampa, who's very dead and green again, Dave, Jonathan, and Pussyface. Tabitha's horny, but Grampa can't do the bussiness any more, after some screaming, she pulls up her pants, and runs out of the house, only to be awaited by Candy, Sweetie Pie, Mila, and Randi Storm, all looking very lovely, and all equipped with strapons. They quicly go to work on poor Tabitha, who doesn't really seem to suffer all that much. Things get kinda confusing here, it's turning into an orgy, and everybody's doing everybody else. Then Dave, Jonathan, Grampa, and Pussyface turn up again. Grampa has somehow come back to life again, and has lost his green colour again. They join in as well, and now things get really confusing. There's some really wild stuff going on though, not surprising with these girls, and at some point I could swear Sweety Pie falls down a rock by accident. Most girls get analled, and Randi is nearly fisted. Finally though, Tabitha gets up and screams "I've had it with this insanity", and runs away, accross a street. Dave follows her, and gets run over by a car. Tabitha jumps in the back of a pickup, and the guy, who by the look on his face couldn't believe his luck, drives off with her.